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Upcoming Gigs

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Resolution of Sound @ Stained Glass Centre 3rd June 2017

ADAM Festival @ Acomb Library 15th June 2017

Say Owt Slam Clash of Champions III @ The Basement 2nd July 2017

Deer Shed Festival 22nd July 2017

Nerd Punks 3-D @ Edinburgh Fringe, Banshee Labyrinth 20-27th 21.50-22.50


Saturday, 7 December 2013

"I like whales"

“I like whales” she said as she pinned another whale poster to her wall, adding to the vast collection sprawled over whale wallpaper.

She took a moment to admire the poster, lost for a brief second at the merriment of the blubbery behemoth exploding from the sea.

She tore her gaze away, and it fell upon the man bound and gagged upon her bed.  The bed with the whale-themed sheets and pillow.  The bed that was shaped like a whale.

His eyes were iced with fear, illuminated by the whale-shaped bedside lamp.

“I like whales” she repeated, fumbling her ‘I Whales’ badge pinned proudly to her chest.

She began to fumble in her drawer, casting aside underwear and socks dotted in happy, smiling whales.  Until she found what she was looking for.

She held aloft the hammer and chisel and moved, like a titanic marine mammal, towards the man who squirmed like a pathetic, limp seal.


“That’s why the only man I could ever love” she said “Would need a blowhole.”

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