Upcoming gigs

Upcoming Gigs

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Say Owt Slam #19 3rd Feb 2018 @ The Basement, York

Whatever Happened To Vandal Raptor? April tour:

Durham @ TTEST 12th

Leeds @ Workshop Theatre 17th

Hydra Bookshop 18th

Derby Theatre 20th

Harrogate Theatre 24-25th

London @ Ovalhouse 26-28th

Nerd Punk Book Launch 29th April, All Saint's Church, York

Spoken Weird 3rd May, Halifax

Gong Fu Poets 31st May, Durham

Wednesday, 29 April 2015


There’s a corpse in your moat.
You’ll have to call out the chap to drain it.
What a fucking palaver.
There’s a corpse in your pond.
It’s upsetting the ducks.
It’s not healthy for them.
There’s a corpse in the Jacuzzi.
You were looking forward to taking a dip in the Jacuzzi.
What a day!
There’s a corpse in your pool.
Sack the pool boy.
Fuck’s sake.
There’s a corpse in the sink.
You work bloody hard.
You don’t expect corpses everywhere.
They are brown and black
Young and old.


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