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TESTT (Durham): April 12th

The New Adelphi (Hull): April 15th

Workshop Theatre (Leeds): April 17th

Hydra Bookshop (Bristol): April 18th

Derby Theatre: April 20th

Harrogate Theatre: April 24-25th

Ovalhouse (London): April 26-28th


London Book Launch at Ovalhouse, April 26th

York Book Launch at All Saints Church, April 29th

Small Fry DIY, Warrington, 2nd May

Spoken Weird, Halifax: 3rd May

Born Lippy, Newcastle 9th May

Shaken In Sheep Town, Skipton: 10th May

Find The Right Words, Leicester : 16th May

Queenie’s Coffee Nights, Huddersfield: 21st May

Gong Fu Poets, Coxhoe: 31st May

Verse Matters, Sheffield: 7th June

Slam Dunk, Hastings: 28th June

Word Club, Leeds: 29th June

Poetry Jam, Durham: 4th October

Thursday, 10 November 2016

2016 Blog #24: I hereby place a curse...

This week I took the curse spoken by Rooster Bryon at the end of Jez Butterworth’s Jerusalem and used it with no less than 4 Youth Theatre groups across this week.  Theyw rote their own curses in group, some fun, some sinister, all very inventive.  Here’s just some examples I salvaged from the workshop floor for posterity:

We are now placing a curse on Christmas haters
Your nose will never stop running
You can only wear shorts in winter
And may Asda forever be sold out of root beer
Your life will be a never-ending assembly
Popadoms will never be there for you
And Curry stores won’t serve you.
Your blood will run as a cold as a frozen bagel
And this curse will never end

We curse you Michael Gove
You have ruined our future
You have increased stress and failure
You have decreased content and success
You have confused, upset and bewildered our generation
We curse you and your soul forever more
We pray you suffer and therefore see our suffering
We curse you with the power of algebra to never be able to find the value of X
We curse you with compassion and manners (you have none)
We curse you with not being able to use nouns and verbs correctly
and not be able to string a sentence together
With all our power, we curse you to have to tell the truth and not be able to use fake statistics
Not to be respected by your peers
The greatest curse of all:  To do every exam that you have just enforced upon us
Don’t underestimate our power!
This curse lasts forever!

We curse you Donald J Trump
May your hair forever look like a guinea pig
May you constsantly be wrestled by protesdtors
May the Whitehouse be replaced by a shed
May the 4 year term by shortened to 4 minutes
May you have mind-blanks’ in all your speeches
May you fall in love with a Mexican
May you be trapped in your wall for the rest of your life
May you discover that Hilary Clinton is your long-lost cousin

I curse thy phone to smash
I curse thy to miss the bus every time and watch it drive away
I curse thy wretched body to always have acne
And they favourite series will carry on going until it is rubbish and have no life anymore.
May thy never enter TopShop or purchase an iPhone
May thee never be able to fill in thy eyebrows
Your instagram will have baby photos for all to see
All your friends on Facebook will leave you
You shall get 2000 dislikes on YouTube

Nobody will reply to your Tweets

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