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Say Owt Slam #18 25th Nov 2017 @ The Basement, York

Say Owt Slam #19 3rd Feb 2018 @ The Basement, York

Whatever Happened To Vandal Raptor? April tour:

Durham @ TTEST 12th

Leeds @ Workshop Theatre 17th

Hydra Bookshop 18th

Derby Theatre 20th

Harrogate Theatre 23-24th

London @ Ovalhouse 25-27th

Nerd Punk Boom Launch 28th April (venue tbc)

Spoken Weird 3rd May, Halifax

Gong Fu Poets 31st May, Durham

Thursday, 10 November 2016

2016 Blog #24: I hereby place a curse...

This week I took the curse spoken by Rooster Bryon at the end of Jez Butterworth’s Jerusalem and used it with no less than 4 Youth Theatre groups across this week.  Theyw rote their own curses in group, some fun, some sinister, all very inventive.  Here’s just some examples I salvaged from the workshop floor for posterity:

We are now placing a curse on Christmas haters
Your nose will never stop running
You can only wear shorts in winter
And may Asda forever be sold out of root beer
Your life will be a never-ending assembly
Popadoms will never be there for you
And Curry stores won’t serve you.
Your blood will run as a cold as a frozen bagel
And this curse will never end

We curse you Michael Gove
You have ruined our future
You have increased stress and failure
You have decreased content and success
You have confused, upset and bewildered our generation
We curse you and your soul forever more
We pray you suffer and therefore see our suffering
We curse you with the power of algebra to never be able to find the value of X
We curse you with compassion and manners (you have none)
We curse you with not being able to use nouns and verbs correctly
and not be able to string a sentence together
With all our power, we curse you to have to tell the truth and not be able to use fake statistics
Not to be respected by your peers
The greatest curse of all:  To do every exam that you have just enforced upon us
Don’t underestimate our power!
This curse lasts forever!

We curse you Donald J Trump
May your hair forever look like a guinea pig
May you constsantly be wrestled by protesdtors
May the Whitehouse be replaced by a shed
May the 4 year term by shortened to 4 minutes
May you have mind-blanks’ in all your speeches
May you fall in love with a Mexican
May you be trapped in your wall for the rest of your life
May you discover that Hilary Clinton is your long-lost cousin

I curse thy phone to smash
I curse thy to miss the bus every time and watch it drive away
I curse thy wretched body to always have acne
And they favourite series will carry on going until it is rubbish and have no life anymore.
May thy never enter TopShop or purchase an iPhone
May thee never be able to fill in thy eyebrows
Your instagram will have baby photos for all to see
All your friends on Facebook will leave you
You shall get 2000 dislikes on YouTube

Nobody will reply to your Tweets

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